What Is Self-Care (Really)? And My Top Self-Care Practices as an AuDHD Adult

Self-care has become one of those phrases that’s everywhere — often reduced to bubble baths, gym routines, or advice that assumes everyone has the same energy, body, and nervous system.

For many autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD people, that version of self-care simply doesn’t fit.

For me, self-care isn’t about doing more, fixing myself, or forcing routines that look good on paper. It’s about listening to my body, my energy, my sensory needs, and my limits and responding with compassion, rather than criticism.

At its core, self-care is about understanding what genuinely supports your wellbeing as you are, not who you think you should be.

So, what is self-care?

Self-care is the practice of noticing what your body and nervous system need and giving yourself permission to respond to that honestly.

It’s not something you force yourself to do.

It’s not something that leaves you more depleted than when you started.

And it certainly isn’t about copying what works for someone else.

For example, a daily 5km run might be restorative for one person. For another, the thought of it might trigger dread, shutdown, or physical pain. If something fills you with stress or overwhelm, it’s not self-care, no matter how healthy it’s meant to be.

True self-care should leave you feeling:

• steadier rather than depleted
• more regulated, not more anxious
• supported rather than pressured

And importantly, self-care looks different at different stages of life, health, and capacity. What worked for me ten years ago doesn’t always work now, and that’s not failure. That’s being human.

A Neuroaffirming Self-Care Toolkit

Self-care isn’t a fixed routine — it’s a flexible toolkit. Over time, I’ve found that the most supportive practices aren’t about doing more, but about reducing unnecessary drain and responding earlier to signs of overload.

Here are some of the practices that continue to matter most for me.

Self-care looks different for every body and nervous system

Over the years, one of the biggest shifts in how I understand self-care has been recognising how closely it’s connected to physical health, energy regulation, nutrition, movement, and recovery — especially for autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD people.

Self-care isn’t just about managing stress in the moment. It’s also about how our bodies are supported day to day — how we eat, move, rest, recover, and engage in recreation in ways that work with our nervous systems rather than against them.

This is something I explore in more depth in my Health, Nutrition, Exercise & Recreation course, where I look at self-care through a neuroaffirming, whole-person lens — without rigid routines, moralising food or exercise, or one-size-fits-all advice.

Learning to Say No (Without Guilt)

Learning to say no has been one of the most challenging — and most protective — forms of self-care in my life.

Many neurodivergent people grow up learning to people-please. We’re often praised for being helpful, compliant, capable, and “low maintenance”, while our own needs are overlooked or minimised. Over time, this can turn into a habit of saying yes even when we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or already at capacity.

Saying no can feel risky.

It can trigger fear of being seen as selfish, difficult, unreliable, or “too much”.

There’s often a deep worry about disappointing others or losing opportunities.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Self-care is not selfish.

Saying no is how we protect our energy, our health, and our nervous system. It’s how we prevent burnout rather than constantly recovering from it.

When I say no:

• I’m choosing sustainability over short-term approval
• I’m making space for things that actually matter
• I’m showing up more fully where I do say yes

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about staying well enough to stay connected.

Energy Accounting (Instead of Pushing Through)

Energy accounting has been one of the most practical tools I’ve ever used.

Developed by Maja Toudal, energy accounting shifts the focus away from time management and towards energy management, something many autistic and ADHD people intuitively struggle with because our energy is not consistent or predictable.

The idea is simple:

• Make a list of activities that drain your energy (withdrawals)
• Make a list of activities that replenish your energy (deposits)

Some things that look “easy” on the outside can be huge withdrawals internally — social interactions, decision-making, sensory environments, emotional labour, masking.

The key insight for me was this:

If I keep making withdrawals without enough deposits, burnout is inevitable.

Energy accounting helps me plan realistically, pace myself, and intentionally balance effort with recovery, rather than pushing through and dealing with the consequences later.

Energy accounting has also changed how I think about nutrition, movement, and rest — not as things I should do, but as tools that can either drain or restore capacity depending on how they’re approached.

I explore this in more detail in my Health, Nutrition, Exercise & Recreation course, where energy, health, and wellbeing are viewed through a neurodivergent lens rather than performance or productivity.

Interoception: Listening to the Body’s Signals

Interoception — our ability to notice internal body signals — plays a huge role in self-care, especially for neurodivergent people.

Many of us don’t recognise hunger, thirst, fatigue, pain, or emotional overwhelm until they’re intense. Others notice the sensations but struggle to interpret what they mean.

Learning to tune into interoceptive signals has helped me move from reacting to crises to responding earlier and more gently.

For example:

• tight chest
• nausea
• butterflies
• heaviness or dread

Instead of pushing through, I now pause and ask:

What is my body telling me right now?

Often, those sensations are signals of anxiety, uncertainty, sensory overload, or unmet support needs — not personal weakness or lack of motivation.

When I respond early by asking for clarity, taking a break, adjusting expectations, or changing the environment, I prevent escalation and reduce long-term stress.

Mindfulness (With Caution and Choice)

Mindfulness is often recommended as a universal solution, but it isn’t universally safe or helpful.

For some people, mindfulness practices can be grounding and regulating. For others — particularly those with trauma histories — sitting quietly with thoughts or bodily sensations can feel overwhelming or triggering.

For me, mindfulness works best when it’s:

• active rather than still
• sensory-based rather than introspective
• optional rather than prescribed

Things like roller skating, rollerblading, walking, gentle movement, rhythmic activities, or brief check-ins are often far more regulating than traditional meditation.

If mindfulness is something you’re exploring, it’s important to:

• move at your own pace
• adapt it to your nervous system
• talk with a therapist or health professional if you’re unsure

There is no one “right” way to be mindful.

Final Thoughts

Self-care isn’t about fixing yourself.

It’s about respecting yourself.

It’s about recognising that your needs are valid, your energy is finite, and your wellbeing matters, even when the world expects you to keep pushing.

When we practise self-care in a neuroaffirming way, we’re not striving to become someone else. We’re learning how to live well as we are.

And that, in itself, is a powerful act of care.

If you’re wanting a deeper, neuroaffirming exploration of how health, nutrition, movement, and recreation intersect with self-care, you can explore my Health, Nutrition, Exercise & Recreation course here.